Monday, June 14, 2010

Pregnancy,Estrogen and Women

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth..

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.



1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem..

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3... The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:


Can I be a Kid again

After along much needed weekend from work, I have decided that I long to be a kid again.  I would like to start over.

Think about it the only things that you have to worry about are when the next episode of 90210 is on when the new release of NKOTB is coming out, Whose house your gonna be camped out at for the weekend, who's driving you to the YMCA to hang out with your friends.

The only bill you have to pay is the lunch lady with the check your mom gave you, maybe a fine from the library for not bring the book back on time (who would trust a middle schooler to remember).

The most important thing of your day is meeting your friends at there locker and then walking the halls till the bell rings, and securing your lunch table that you have sat at fro all of time (surprisingly you have not carved your name in it lol)

Your only worry is to make sure that the teacher does not call out your name in class to read aloud.

Man those were the days.......

The other day while driving a had a discussion with my son who had just stated that he could not wait to be an adult.  I informed him that being an adult was not fun and that he should stay a kid for as long as he could.  I explained to him that being responsible to pay bills and give up your time to go to work only look like a Good time. 

Thur this conversation I let them know that it was a huge responsibility to take care of babies and that you had to give up alot of the things that you might want like buying new cloths and shoes, because your kids need that stuff........

To my complete and udder surprise he said Thanks mom I know sometimes where bad and we make you upset,  But I think that I am gonna wait a long time to have kids I want to buy a mustang, motor cycle, boat, and a pull trailer so that I can go fishing.......

If only it were that easy to buy all that stuff,  The joys of being Innocent I love my kids that keep me sane all the while driving me crazy